Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
