I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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