Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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