I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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