I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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