is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
