yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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