I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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