My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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