Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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