Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
