11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
