If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
