I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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