So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
