she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
