Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
