Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
