I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
