well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
