cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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