shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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