No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
