youre lurking in front of me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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