She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
