he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
