i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
