I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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