why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
