if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize