Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
