Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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