Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
