Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
