id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
