I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
