Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
