Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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