We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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