i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
