i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no, he came in my armpit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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