we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
