I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize