all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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