yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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