here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
