I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
