angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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