I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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