shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
