just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
