i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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