The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
