If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
