I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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