I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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