Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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