Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
