my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.