i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.