with your own penis?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?