my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?