Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son