he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night