but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
