Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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