is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
