Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We left the knife in your bed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
