i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
