The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
