Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
